Self-Parenting And Dating

Young boys want to marry their mother. Young girls think their father can do no wrong. As a child I also shared the same fantasy. My parents were my idea of perfection. My only ideal. It was easy to love them. How could I not?

Between then and now something happened. My parents only pretended to be perfect. They were afraid and scared, but they never shared their feelings. They were frustrated and angry, but never talked about their dreams. That’s when I knew I had to look inside of myself for answers.

I've had success using basic reasoning skills to answer my own questions. On the flip side, I also have a nasty habit of asking more questions after the first one is answered. Here's one that sticks out in my mind.

Why do I keep dating women like my mother?
The answer is simple: the Oedipus complex.

How do I resolve this issue?
Unfortunately, I needed some assistance for this one. I needed the help of a certain type of woman and I did find her. Over time I actually found about a dozen just like her. These women were as strong, as good-looking, as hyperactive, and as emotionally unstable as my mother. They were oblivious to what I was doing. At the time, I was oblivious to what I was doing. But it is working. I call the technique “Oedipal Vaccination”. It takes a while to kick in. I’ve been using it for about 3 years now.

Here’s some background:
They say there are 3 aspects to a good relationship:

  • intimacy
  • passion
  • commitment

I would say my parents had the commitment, and to some degree the passion but there was no sign of intimacy. Most good marriages have signs of all three, but the levels may vary over the years.

How does it start?
Anyway, along comes a complete stranger who cast from the same mold as my mother. My mind is transported back to when my world was young. I feel invigorated. She reminds me so much of my mother. I look past all the warning signs. I get closer. I've dated woman just like her in the past. This time it’ll be different, right?

What do I do?
I know the strength of desire (passion) and not making empty promises (commitment) can spark a relationship. I hold off on those two and focus on sharing my feelings with her (intimacy). Especially the feelings I have for her. That’s about it. Nothing else.

Why do I do this?
I always found it hard to express my feelings to the ones I care about the most.
So, it’s a way of my rewiring my mind. I want to change my personal definition of closeness from insatiable passion and blind commitment to honest intimacy.

Is it fair to the women I date?
In short, no. I don’t think it is. But I have to do it. It’s what I need to do to grow. The way I see it ,I have three choices:

  • Do nothing. I could have stayed at home dreaming about her. However dating is a priority in my life. This is not an option.
  • Become her friend (not opening my heart to her). I’ve tried this. It's good for a while. But I usually get bored after a while. The friendship dies off.
  • Try my best to woo her. Here’s the thing….My best method of persuasion right now is telling her how I feel. If that’s not good enough, I’ll move on. Besides, I think it’s important for a woman to know how special she is.

This post is not about finding a life-long partner. It’s about what I’ve done to find myself. I want to redefine my life-long idea of perfection. I want my logical and emotional minds to see the same reality.

The bottom line. I live through my beliefs. I respect my feelings more than I respect the feelings of others. The more I realize my feelings, the more realize who I am. The more I realize myself, the more I understand others. That’s what I call the Golden Cycle.

If you’re caught in an endless cycle of failed relationships (I’ve had three), experiment with your dating habits. Shorten the cycle. Look for the warning signs. Not only in other people, but also yourself. Don’t be afraid of missing “The One”. Believe in yourself. Believe that YOU are “The One”. You’ll find “The Future Spouse Of The One” once you find yourself.

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