Top Ten Things I Learned After 30

This post was first written as a message to a close friend of mine. With a few revisions, it reads as a guide on how to cope with daily life. It's a set of maxims harvested from several media sources, including websites and books. Whenever I read this post, I feel a renewed spirit. So, I figured I should share it with the rest of the blogosphere.

10) In life, there are two paths to success: working hard and being nice.

I enjoy success. I like being successful. But constantly being nice is a real drag. More often than not, I prefer to work really hard. Looking at my career and friendships and how I've invested my efforts to understand myself and to improve the lives of others, diligence has benefited me more so than being polite. In other words, it takes hard work to stay consistent with people, building their trust in me.

9) Organization is key.

Making the effort to schedule, prioritize, and plan for my clients, family, and friends is probably the most mature thing I've ever done. After that, all other tasks (i.e. drawing up lesson plans and running errands) seem to fall into place. Over time, organizing becomes a habit. My thoughts become structured to the point where I'm better able to multi-task and to perform most actions more efficiently and thoughtfully. For example, my conversations run much more smoothly than they did ten years ago.

8) Speak slowly but think quickly

In the past, I had the habit of speaking in a scripted manner where everything I could possibly say had to be rehearsed in my mind beforehand. For example, when arguing a point, I would sometimes keep repeating the same thing over and over again but speak louder and/or faster in hopes this technique would prove me right. Nowadays, I find it easier to listen to someone, think about how I feel about what he/she said, organize what I want to say (how to articulate it), and deliver my response in a timely fashion. I work on this all the time (except for those instances when I've had two or more drinks). It's important to me to listen to others. That way all parties can exchange ideas and learn from each other.

7) The best way to learn is to teach.

To quote from William Glasser:

We Learn . . .
10% of what we read
20% of what we hear
30% of what we see
50% of what we see and hear
70% of what we discuss
80% of what we experience
95% of what we teach others

Here's my theory: Very knowledgeable people, those who stockpile facts in their minds and who spout out information effortlessly are not usually doing it to show off. To them, it's a matter of habit. The more they use these facts in conversation and in writing, the more they'll remember them. So, whenever given the chance, these "smarties" push the conversation to their area of expertise. Which means intelligence is as much a matter of tenacity as it is inherent ability.

6) Persistence is key.

Admittedly, my focus is not always the best; I have a tough time sticking with complicated tasks for any extended period time. Not surprisingly, my focus improves whenever I engage in a cause, person, desire, or principle which I feel is important to me; I become more motivated for a longer period of time. This does wonders for my willingness to perform more mundane tasks (e.g. writing emails). By the way, taking time to share this with you is a good case in point.

5) Caring about others is more rewarding than being cared about.

In whatever relationship, it's great when there is mutual respect and empathy between two people, but I feel that active caring, regardless of reciprocation, is the best way to learn selflessness and humility. This makes it easier for me, in particular, to handle any type of authority, whether it comes from a government, a religion, a person, or even my physiology.

4) Listen to your body.

My body, the one authority I never question, is my primary guide for living in the moment. For example, if my sinuses feel clogged, I'm stressed. Tightness in the chest? I'm really stressed. Sharp ping of shock running through my nervous system? I'm feeling embarrassed. Warm fuzzy feeling in my lower abdominal region? I'm feeling great. In order to prepare for these sensations, some of which make me feel whole and others which tear me apart, I invest time into chronicling any and all perceived inner stimuli, physical or otherwise.

3) Music is what feelings sound like.

Sometimes, when I get emotional, music pops into my head and it doesn't stop until I tie that song to a specific person. Sinatra and Dean Martin belong to my college roommates. The Beatles belong to my little sister. When these songs pop up, I try not to indulge in them, but tie them to a specific person instead. It's a good way of knowing when and why I feel emotional.

2) What annoys me about others, annoys me about myself.

There's no quicker way of figuring out what makes me tick than figuring out what ticks me off. When someone annoys me ( e.g. by being late, unmotivated, apathetic, or disorganized), I flashback to the time when I annoyed myself with that same behavior. When this happens, I first pat myself on the back for being more disciplined now than in the past and then I try to calm down. I don't preclude myself from getting to know the “annoying person” better.

1) People are meant to be understood.

The only person I can judge or fix is myself. Everyone else, I simply try to understand. For, inevitably, there will come a time when a friend or a long-term client does something, I feel, is really dumb or idiosyncratic, something that really gets under my skin. If I'm still confused, after analyzing the circumstantial, psychological, biological, and sociological reasons for their behavior, I throw away my logic, embrace my humanity, and accept the fact that I care about them.

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Brain Physics

I pride myself on constantly thinking of ways to take disparate ideas from academic, spiritual and/or artistic disciplines to try and derive parallels between them. In doing so I hope to construct more abstract rules/laws/commandments that simplify the world as I know it.

Let's take high school physics. I enjoyed taking physics. I gained an understanding of the world ( force, momentum, energy, mass, etc.) I never knew before. However, I very rarely use that knowledge today. I mean I really haven’t tried to predict the trajectory of a cannon ball in ages. Have you?

I try to recycle some of these nuggets of knowledge and apply them to my favorite pastime: self – improvement. How do I take two disparate areas of study and make them play nice together? Yes, you guessed it. Using analogies.

Example:
Let’s take the physics of an object moving in one direction. It has a position, velocity, and acceleration. In order for an object to change it’s position, it must have some velocity. If it wants to increase its velocity, it must use some acceleration.

Just to clarify, imagine an old hound dog sleeping on a porch. It just lies there. It’s position is constant. It doesn’t move. It has no velocity or acceleration.

Now suppose it wakes up to go for a walk with its owner. Since it’s on a leash, it walks at the same pace as it’s master. It walks at a constant velocity.

Now suppose it sees a squirrel running up a tree. It immediately dashes forward to chase the squirrel. It suddenly changes it’s velocity and that is acceleration.

Do you see where I’m going with this?
The mind has a position also known as your state of mind. If it’s constant it’s just like the old dog slumped on the porch. It’s asleep and does not move. Have you ever been in a state of depression, confusion, bliss, or shock? How did free your mind? For me, I kick my brain into gear. The best way to relieve the blues is to use critical thinking.

The mind has a velocity which is its train of thought. If the thoughts are focused, constant, and consistent (critical thinking) it’s just like the old dog on a leash. It keeps the same pace as its master. If it's not, it's more like the dog meandering from tree to tree and sniffing the ground for whatever dogs sniff the ground for.

The mind has acceleration also known as passion. If it’s there, it’s just like the old dog chasing after the squirrel. It doesn’t care about keeping pace with it’s master. It sees what it wants and goes for it.

So what am I getting at?
If you want to change the state of your mind, you have to move your mind (read: think).

If you want to think faster, you must accelerate your mind. This usually occurs when you pursue a passion. Your obsession increases the amount of information you take in, your comprehension, and your productivity. This is the essence of becoming smarter.

Once you start to accelerate, your velocity starts to kick into high gear. You train your mind to perform tasks that were seemingly impossible before. Such as increasing your typing speed, remembering names, working longer, multi-tasking, etc…

Once this happens, then your mind is free to chase squirrels.

What Is Intelligence?

Dictionary.com defines intelligence as:

the ability to comprehend; to understand and profit from experience

Okay. Great. Now that we've taken care of the formalities, here’s my personal definition of intelligence.

I believe most people are born with the potential to be intelligent. At a very young age:

• We have the ability to take in the sensations of the world.
• We have the ability to recognize what we see, taste, touch, feel, and smell.
• We have the ability to relate them to our past experiences.
• We have the ability to store them in our memories.
• We have the ability to reproduce or recall them.
• We also have the ability to control our reaction to them.

This is what I call the Intelligence Cycle. Here’s a solid example:

Say you’re walking by a pastry shop on your way home from work. You smell the aroma as you glance into the store. The mixture of pleasant shock and delight sends your head spinning. For a moment you’re in ecstasy. For just a second you ponder walking into the shop and picking out your favorite delicacy. Then you snap back to reality. Remember your diet. Remember your budget. Remember your time. You promise yourself that you’ll bake a cake this weekend.

At first glance, you might think of it as a sequence. I think of it as a cycle. It’s the cycle of learning. Once you reach the finally step. Once you’re able to control your reactions you want to increase the detail, the frequency, and the intensity of the sensation.

After smelling the pastries in the shop. You might want to compare the smell to your own baking. You might want to find “reasons” to walk by the shop more often. You might want to walk inside to get a better small. All this is the learning cycle. Raising desire through temptation. Embracing your senses. Realizing your intelligence. Making yourself smarter.

On the other hand, you could stop all the fuss and buy one freakin’ doughnut. What would it hurt? It takes very little time, little money, and you’re not on a diet. I know there’s the “little things add up” argument. For example, small but frequent expenses DO add up. But I don’t care about that as much.

I do care about your mind. It’s really quite easy for anyone to short-circuit the intelligence cycle. Impulse buying jumps from step one to step six. It will waste most of your mental potential. It’s a potential that I’m sure will bring a good amount of success and contentment to your life.