When I first moved to
I was feeling a bit annoyed with myself, but I quelled my anxiety by taking a moment to embrace the scene around me. I thought to myself, “I’m in
My swift change of emotional focus, from frustration to sublime acceptance, exposed past frustrations of mine. Frustrations involving my mother. This came in the form of her boisterous voice which my mind played back to me like I was listening to a CD. It was a distinct, very clear, disheartening, belligerent, frightening, and all too familiar voice. My mother was very hot-tempered and during times of confusion or disbelief would belt out a series of expletives to anyone within earshot.
For a split second, it felt as if she was eerily right behind me. And what disgusted me even more was just moments before, I was unconsciously cursing under breath in the same way. My words and inflections definitely had her signature.
Next, I had an epiphany. I couldn’t imagine that behavior existing in
My ultimate goal is clarity of mind through distillation of temperament. I embrace moments when my mind verbally, visually, or kinesthetically rewinds back to some discrete defining moment in my past. I view reliving these moments as not just a release of anxiety, but as a deeper form of healing that strengthens my emotional well-being.
By clearing my mind of these past disaffections, I’m better able to moderate my train of thought. I’m able to conserve my mental energies and apply them to less primal and more constructive ideas.